Tag Archives: Advice

Relationship Advice – Have a Partner, not Competitor :)

21 Nov

Anyone who has ever been in a relationship will agree that it is difficult. Being locked in competition with your partner makes things infinitely more of a challenge. Once this vicious cycle begins, your relationship is in big trouble. By practicing a little damage control as soon as this problem starts can save an otherwise doomed relationship.

Ambitious, competitive people are likely to find themselves in relationships with each other, where this problem is likely to arise. If this description applies to you, you should really take the time to consider whether or not your relationship is suffering from this problem. “Boy energy,” is something Rori Raye talks about – it is the type of energy that women use to reach great heights. She suggests that we women avoid bringing it to our relationships with men, because it can undermine our efforts to make him feel loved, respected, and accepted.

It should be easy to tell if this is a problem for you. He may suddenly shy away from competitive activities, like board games or exercise. If he declines your invitations to participate in competitive activities consistently, you can be sure that there is trouble in paradise.

There are a lot of ways you can throw off the balance in your relationship. Whether making jokes at his expense, or giving him a hard time when he can’t keep up with you on a jog, these little jabs will make him feel as though you are not supportive of him, and that you lack respect for him.

In a healthy relationship, he is seeking your respect, love, and acceptance. When you undermine his efforts and successes, this makes him wonder whether he can expect these fundamental things from you. If he senses that you are unwilling to offer him these things that he needs, he will begin to doubt his role (and yours) in the relationship. This doubt is harmful to your connection.

You should begin to focus on solutions as soon as you recognize this as a problem. Instead of asking what his problem is, you need to ask what your problem is. The need to take away the glory from your partner and claim it as your own is actually an indication of insecurity. Only when you have reconciled this issue with yourself will you be willing and able to give freely the praise and respect that he needs from you.

If you take this relationship advice to heart as soon as you realize that there is a rift in your relationship, you stand a chance of resolving these issues. By putting yourself in his shoes, you can better understand the problem. Competition is a natural part of life, but it should not be a part of your love life! By saving your competitive energy for when it counts, and offering him the love, acceptance, and respect he deserves, you can turn your competitive relationship into one of mutual support.

SEX & LOVE or SEX vs. LOVE?

10 Oct

Let’s talk a little bit about what no one wants to talk about; sex. Sex and particularly how it pertains to love. Some people believe that sex and love should be separate, while some people believe that sex cannot exist without love.

Although love can make sex that much better, is it really worth the trouble that it causes?

There will always be one person chasing another in a relationship; this, as much as some people would not like to believe, is fact. Perhaps not in the traditional way, but at least in one way or another.
Sex is the same, especially when linked to love. One personal will always want sex more than the other person. Similarly, one person will always want love more than the other person.

I use “always” in a general sense not in a definitive sense; keep that in mind.

So, how does one avoid the odd entanglement of sex and love and avoid getting ensnared in the road ahead? When entering into a relationship, there are already so many questions about sex that need to be answered – are you already having it, will you be having it, when and where? how often and why?
And then once your relationship progresses, and you move in together, does the frequency increase or decrease? Most people would say decrease. High stress situations mixed with a general ‘spending a lot of time around the other person’ is usually more than enough to kill the mood – especially for the person who is being pursued.

How does the one pursuing in sex then contain themselves? Never wanting to pressure the other into sex, but being constantly in the rejection square.

Masturbation only goes so far.